There are alot of thoughts here that I should just word vomit onto the page and clean up after the fact. Maybe I do that all in Notes in a Morning pages type fashion before I organize it under content
I didn't have a concrete plan when I left my job. There was no side project that had momentum. No service that was generating revenue. I had initiatives I was working on but nothing I felt comfortable charging for. The future ahead of me was a blank canvas.
I was obsessed with this idea of no longer living a split life between work and personal. I wanted the two to blend into one existence. To achieve this, I wanted to spend all of my time working on whatever interested me and have people sponsor me directly to do this work. I reasoned that a job was simply a one person mega sponsorship. The new career would be more decentralized.
I put up a simple GiveButter integration on the Support page of my personal website. GiveButter is a cool service that helps people raise money for various campaigns. The campaign that I set up was simply "Support Vargas". I wanted to start working in open source, but wasn't sure exactly what I wanted to build yet. This provided an avenue to those who got value out of the work I produced to support me in continuing whatever the hell I was doing.
A month later, I applied for GitHub sponsors under the same premise. Users of open source tools I create could support me so that I continue making those tools.
Today, I'm ending the GiveButter campaigns and GitHub sponsorships. I've migrated users of my tools over to subscribing to the tool directly. I will no longer surface a way to subscribe to "Vargas".
Motivation
I am incredibly fortunate. My parents have worked hard their whole lives to give me the affordances I have today. I was able to graduate College with $0 in student debt. I've never had to worry about food, housing, or any other necessity.
While I'm deeply appreciative of these conditions, they also contribute to a guilty feeling I have. One that argues that I haven't achieved my own success yet and nothing I have is due to my own hard work. This feeling is not reasonable - I needed to do some work to go to MIT and land my first job. But now at 25 years old, the guilt has made me resistant to accepting financial help from friends and family anymore.
An example where this came to a head. In the middle of January, I expressed that I wanted to lease a car for the next couple years for my nomadic travels. My mom being the gracious woman that she is offered to help me cover it. Her reasoning made a ton of sense - she can easily help me and I shouldn't spend my currently limited resources on something like a car. Despite this, I was very resistant to accepting her help. I spent the next week embarrassed by the idea of my parents helping me pay for a car, after they already paid for my Lasik Surgery a few weeks ago.
There is an amount of personal dignity worth pursuing by paying for these things myself. It acts as a milestone, "I did it, I became self reliant enough to afford a car."
I then realized an incredible irony here. Is it really my money if a portion of it came from family and friends sponsorships anyway? The guilt started to settle in again.
Subscribing to Services instead of People
By removing GiveButter and GitHub Sponsors, I want to move towards a model where others subscribe to services I create instead of me.
The vision I had of blending a personal and work life into one no longer resonates with me. Everyone in the world could be divided into being either someone you know or someone you don't.
People you don't know don't care about sponsoring you directly. They care about what value you are bringing to them. If this is the case, why not have them support that value proposition indirectly? Instead they should directly pay for the service you're providing itself.
The only people who believe in you enough to subscribe in you directly fall into the category of someone you know. They are friends and family. But I’m realizing that I don't want friends and family investing money in me. I want to instead invest time and experiences with each other. They are already your "subscribers" by being your friend or relative, making it ridiculous to ask for money too.
By removing sponsoring options tied to me, I could instead focus on growing services I develop. These projects will offer services that are accessible through a financial subscription. In this way, I'm incentivized to provide people I don't know a service for financial return. More importantly, I'm incentivized to invest time into people I do know.
I'm hoping this will help me be more intentional about one of my goals for the year - to take more initiative with friends and family. I want to grow services to a financially sustainable level. Then, reinvest the time that affords me into the people I care about.